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Here's To You Mrs. Robinson...

The Countess Takes a Lover - Bonnie Dee

This will get very spoilery after the "read on" point.


I love me realistic May/December romances as much as I love reading about awkward male virgins, and I thought this might be a good one for both, written by an author I know from m/m, one I usually like.


Not so, I'm afraid. For one thing the "older woman and widow" is just 6 years older than the male virgin, which quite cancels the May/December aspect.


And the consummation came and went with as little perturbation as possible. In fact the whole rest was a series of ridiculous, convenient incredibly boring and average tropes and stereotypes.


The gawky academic nerd the blurb describes turns out to be a muscular stud without a single qualm about his sexuality, lustily f*cking away at the Comtesse wherever the occasion arises. Of course both fall in love with each other, and of course we get the usual misunderstanding with hatred here and tears there and a HEA with little pink ponies and bees and whatnot right after. The comtesse who has slept for years with everyone who vaguely moved and was capable of a boner, and who was declared barren even while her former husband still bonked her,  of course gets impregnated by our virginal studly stud. Gah.


What really angered me was that tattoos and kink and even a trip to China had to be thrown in for good measure, while I was being lectured on how much everyone loved oral sex in the Regency (does the author happen to remember that anything but missionary between husband and wife was considered sodomy/unnatural sex by people of that time?), or after bemoaning the legal status of wives during that era, Chris of course is such a perfect bloke that he is willing to forego a sizeable fortune.


This ended up being one huge exasperation. What a pity!








5% While I really like the premise I wonder what they will do about contraception.


13% Oh dear, but isn't he too cute?!


15% "I accept your invitation and would enjoy examining your plants." Heh! ;) Honi soit qui mal y pense...


21% Eeek! The dreaded P-word! We have a pussy. Eeek! Why, oh why?


23% Damn. Not only that this is rapidly becoming rather unerotic, why set up a male virgin to tutor and then have it have the momentum of scratching an itch?


28% Fee! Beautiful premise completely squandered. Not only was he immediately doing the do like a major champ, without the slightest hitch, no, he also ends up being--of course--brawny and muscular underneath the clothes, even though he's a bookish academic. Book just lost at least 2*.


29% "The fullness of his cock in her mouth was as satisfying as a three-course meal." Oh my, crappy.


40% Of course the boy manages to make her come, not just once, but twice, and he takes to cunnilingus like a fish to water. This is very rapidly threatening to become a DNF.


45% Tattoos and kinky stuff now. I'm rapidly losing patience with this. Damn. Damn. Such a neat premise and such a boring story.


46% The beaver of a Regency woman trimmed like that of a modern one. Shit. I'm near vomiting by now. This has ceased to be even vague fun.


47% Creaming pussy. :Þ


58% And now bondage. Damn.